EPIC Dating Failures! (What In The World Is BDSM?)

Black lace stockings and garters

What In The World Is BDSM?

Fair warning:  When you conduct your own search, most likely, there will be pictures. If you’re not ready for what you’re about to see, it will be fifty shades of DISTURBING.

Phantom of the Opera type mask with hoodie.  Creepy!

For the record, BDSM stands for:

  • Bondage
  • Dominating
  • Sadism
  • Masochism

I’ll let you do your own search for the full explanation. 

rope, up close and personal

This isn’t BDSM 101. I’m not going to explain it to you.

Second warning:  When you conduct your own search, most likely, there will be pictures.

This stuff is light years BEYOND Fifty Shades of Gray.

Fifty Shades of Grey & Fifty Shades Darker books

It’s not for the faint of heart, that’s FOR SURE.

Once again, I couldn’t care less what two consenting adults do behind closed doors. Truly.

Regardless, I “matched,” yet again, with a man on an online dating app, and we were texting – we hadn’t even made it to the phone call part of the vetting process.

Smart phone screen with two hears and a kissy emoticon

Let me say it one more time for the OLD, DEAF GEEZERS WITH THEIR MIRACLE EAR GIZMOS TURNED DOWN: 

Online dating is a hallucinogenic fishbowl of certifiable crazy! 

Blue fishbowl with pink and red fish.

Due to Covid-19 restrictions, maybe my previous statement no longer holds true. 

Tablet screen with LOCKDOWN on it, smart phone, laptop, pencil and plate of nuts.

Damn, I hope so.

Maybe – just maybe – there are so many people now confined to their homes, that there are better odds of meeting the love of your life online. 

Smart phone propped up next to laptop

That’s my positive spin for the day. 

Bubbles above the crowd.

So this complete-stranger-of-a-man and I are texting.  It’s later in the evening … oh, about 9:00PM. 

9 GIF by RuPaul's Drag Race

And all of a sudden, I receive a texted picture of a teddy bear in leather bondage with studs throughout, and the teddy bear has ball gag in its mouth.

Animated GIF

My hand to God, I swear this is the truth.

After staring at my phone for a second or two, I receive another text asking me, “So, what do you think?”

what do you think schitts creek GIF by CBC

I wondered if this man is joking, because he types well and seems intelligent. 

I send back the response of, “That teddy bear can’t come to the phone right now.  He’s all tied up.”

The response that came back was, “LOL.  Yeah.  You’re into this, aren’t you?”

That response made me wonder what my profile said or what I’d previously texted that would give this guy the impression that I’m “into” this.

“I can’t say that I am,” I reply.

Oh No You Didnt GIF by happydog

The random man on the other end of the phone launches into his justification of why he’s “into” BDSM, and how it strengthens the trust and bond (pun intended) between two, consenting adults.

different colored whips

While the barrage of texts are appearing on my phone’s screen, so are dozens of pictures of various types of bondage with ropes, leather, leashes and whips – each more disturbing than the others.

Musicvideo Bdsm GIF by Kiesza

I begin to type my response of, “I’m blocking you now.  Please don’t ever approach me if you see me in person in town,” when I receive the most disturbing text of them all:

nope GIF by karencivil

“I’ve done a reverse search of your phone number, and I have your home address.”

What the…WHAT???

All of the blood drained out of my face.

I went numb as I read it.

I sat there, in my bed, with my two little dogs softly snoring beside me, and pondered what to text back – IF I should text back. 

blurred, sleeping dog

Each second that clicked by seemed like a lifetime, as a ton of scenarios of this weirdo showing up at my front door – or worse, breaking in and showing up inside my home – raced through my mind.

I was genuinely frightened.

Don't panic written on empty toilet paper roll.

How naïve I’d been!  I was giving these complete strangers my personal cell phone number, thinking that I’d just block them if I no longer wanted to hear from them.

It had never occurred to me that I was giving away so much personal information – and my personal safety – by simply exchanging phone numbers.

Dialing on old-fashioned, black telephone

Wondering how many other random strangers had searched my home address, Facebook page, etc., my response was direct and concise:

“Please do not contact me ever again, either online, on the phone or in person.  If you come to my home uninvited, you had better be bulletproof.”

well done good job GIF by America's Got Talent

I blocked the number and probably didn’t sleep well for a month. 

Block GIF by Debby Ryan

This little shocker of an interlude also cured me of considering online dating as “entertainment.” 

Just For Fun! in neon

In fact, it scared me so much that I cancelled my subscription and deleted my profile from the online dating site, and stayed away from online dating for a couple of months.

delete black and white GIF

You never know who you’re interacting with.  

PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

Tip #1: Never give anyone you meet online your personal information (Full name, address, phone number, etc.).

Laptop on table

Tip #2: Call or text, if you feel comfortable, but block your number first.

Smart phone with stocks on it

Tip #3: Always report the scary freaks to the dating site. You’re not the only one this person has done a reverse search on. Get them banned from the online dating site. You may be saving another person from harm or worse.

salt bae ban GIF

Be smarter than I was.

hands with Rubik's Cube

Listen to your gut.

More soon,

-A


Restart. Refocus. Reinvent.


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