Top 20 HYSTERICAL Female Usernames – 11-Mar-2021

woman in white t-shirt on bed with laptop

Turnabout is fair play; Here come the Top 20 Hysterical Female Usernames!

As far as I can tell, online dating is really about having a marketing strategy for yourself.

You’ve got to have a great profile name, an amazing picture of two of yourself, and then write some snazzy words to instantly capture the attention of the reader, before they swipe right (or is it left?) or even block you.

Woman with lighted umbrella.

These people are tough!

In today’s must-have-everything-immediately world, online dating is no exception.

People are judging whether or not they like you in, like, a nanosecond.

Talk about pressure!

Man with hands on face

A few weeks ago, I dropped a post about the Top 20 HYSTERICAL Male Usernames into your unsuspecting laps.

It’s only fair that the fairer sex have their Top 20 HYSTERICAL Female Usernames blasted across the cyber universe, as well.


Ready.  Set.  Go.

Here we go!

1. VoluptuousVegan:

Flag on the play! You can’t be one, if you’re the other. Everyone knows vegans are skinny biotches.

2. CaliforniaGrown:

Valley girl? Pot smoker? Or Pamela Anderson look-alike? The men online want to know.

Palm trees against a seablue sky

3. TheMomToBeat:

Either she’s very competitive or likes it rough. Tread lightly, Gents.

4. YogurtGogurt:

Probiotics are great, but…what the hell?

yogurt parfaits.  yuck!

5. CrazyCatLady:

She’s honest! Cat lovers — not to be confused with pussycat lovers — ONLY

6. PutARingOnIt:

“Desperate to get married?

Party of one?

Your table is ready.”

Diamond rind in a brown box in the sand with a rope -- not sure what the rope is for.

7. BringinTheHeat:

Is she passionate, or does she need anitbiotics? Careful fellas!

8. BigSpoonful:

This chick could go in such different directions. Does she like to eat? Does she want to be the “Big Spooning” in the drawer? I’m confused.

black & white photo of two spoons.

9. GlutenGal:

This woman will eat pasta AND drink a beer. I like her!

10. MustyNBusty:


Busts in a hallway

11. DaredeVil:

She’s exciting, but she hates puppies. PASS ON THIS ONE, Boys!

12. InHeat:

Pretty sure she’s the opposite of Number 5.

cat on its back with its paw up by its face.

13. BeautyQueen:

Ah, humility is such a beautiful characteristic.

Translation: High-maintenance gold digger.

14. UrDogWillLuvMe:

(Mine, when I was looking online.)

two adorable small dogs running down a dirt road.

15. StrawberryFields:

Maybe she’s a ginger AND a Beatles fan!

16. FoodHore:

It sounds like all you have to do is feed her…


17. CoffeeNCuddles:

Ugh. I bet her name is Karen.

18. GeminiJedi:

Outgoing Comic-Con enthusiast and unreliable, all wrapped up into one.

Star Wars figurines.

19. VenusVegasFlyTrap:

If the words “Vegas” and “Trap” are both in her username, you should probably run.

20. FatBottomedGirl:

You knew she was out there! Yeah, you did!

apple with a measuring tape around it.

Listen, it’s easy to be a “keyboard warrior” and make fun of these folks, but the point is that they’ve actually put themselves out there.

I give them tons of credit for it.

Two young women on the roof of a car

Hell, I did it!

And a lot of folks have met online and had successful, healthy relationships

Still, though…

pastel colors

Aren’t Voluptuous Vegans as common as unicorns?


Maybe there’s a MasterCard commercial somewhere in there, too.

There you have it. Those are the Top 20 HYSTERICAL Female Usernames.

I promise to never put you through this again. Well, maybe.

More tomorrow,


Restart. Refocus. Reinvent.

Let's hear it! Put in your two cents right here...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.