Black & white photo motorcycle, no rider

“Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Not Get Out Of It Alive.”

-Elbert Hubbard

Top 20 Hysterical Male Online Dating Unsernames!

We’re told, that many couples have met online and lived happily ever after, aren’t we?

Smart phone with two hearts and a kissing emoticon on it.

Taking this tidbit of information, I took another peek at who’s online and what they’re looking for.

A fresh perspective, if you will…

"Match!" on a smartphone dating app

I did not come up empty-handed (pun intended) while reading these hysterical usernames that men have created for themselves.

Some of these guys are freakin’ hysterical!

And some, a little sad…

A man’s online dating username offers a ton of insight as to what they’re looking for and who they are.

Woman with teal eye, peeking through green plant leaves.

Here are last night’s


1. FatBikerBallz:

Laughing so hard, I spit out a little wine. I mean, we all know that’s the most physically attractive part of man, don’t we?

2. AtomNEve:

Biblical and clever!


3. IWillLickYou4Hourz:

His intent is clear, but geez, can he carry on a conversation?

4. LAFeetLVR:

Don’t these “feet people” have their own sites?

Ugly toes with flowers on them.

5. MomsBoy:

Hmmmmm…He probably thinks women see that and think, “Awwwwww…”

We don’t.

Cow with calf feeding on teat

6. FreshOuttaLckDwn:

Is he a CA guy, or an escapee?

7. NotBaldWTeeth:

Ummmmmm…congratulations? Wait. Are we talking toupees and dentures, or the real McCoy?


8. SkinFlute:

Yes, you are. And, oh by the way, ICK.

9. SoFlyCarGuy:

He’s set the bar pretty high for himself.

Sports car with Dubai license plate

10. JustDoMe:

Nike called. They want their royalty check.

11. WalkinTheLine:

Johnny Cash fan or a pirate? Ya scurvy dog!

Johnny Cash's Kitchen & Saloon sign

12. FreshBkdBunz:

Anyone else immediately picture the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

13. HedgeTrimR:

Cringe-worthy. Pass.

Round hedges in a median

14. HummerTime:

I see what you did there. Still, no.

Dandelion with the words Blow Me

15. Crzy4U:

Are you, though? Or are you just plain ol’ crazy?

16. GlutenGood!

Translation: He drinks beer and isn’t on a diet.

Beer splashing out of a beer mug

17. 2GoodHips

Is this what it’s come to?

18. ImmaMaryU

Could we just meet for coffee and see how it goes?

Two, gold wedding bands

19. EnterNameHere

Thoughtless or lazy? Either way, I’m out.

20. MisterHipster

Ponytail? Man bun? Or moobs?

Insert midlife crisis here.

Yellow hipster sofa with captain Ahab on it and a book.

It was fun taking a look around, and I give credit to these guys for having the guts to “get out there.”

Still though…


Harley Davidson retro-looking bike, teal and  and cream colors.

There’s gotta be a MasterCard commercial in that username somewhere…

More soon,


Restart. Refocus. Reinvent.

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